Why You Should Communicate More with Your Kids

Posted On: December 12, 2016 By Jim Newton

Communication with your children is difficult territory for any parent. It gets even harder when your child does not want to open up to you, and trying to talk to them can be like talking to a brick wall. Having an open line of communication may be something that comes with age and time and maturity, on both sides, and it may even be something that you’re able to set into motion while your child is still young.

• There are so many intricate and important aspects to communicating effectively with your children. First and foremost, make sure your interest in them and their day and lives is genuine. If you truly couldn’t care less about your child’s day, then there will be no point in trying to communicate because they will sense it and shut down. So, have a true and genuine interest in your child. Pay them attention and make them feel like they are the only person in the room that you’re talking to.
• The environment you use to try to talk to your child can impact their openness. Try to make time to sit down to talk to them in a relaxed, casual manner. Some ways you could do this would be to just have the family sit around the table for dinner or even just try and sit one on one in a room in your house that emits comfort for your child, most likely their bedroom. Try to keep eye contact just enough to show you are listening.
• Make sure to always avoid any personal jabs that you make take at your kids, even just out of anger coming from the heat of the moment. Try to avoid any and all scorn and profanity. These words can be extremely damaging to your child and their feelings about themselves and you. And if these words do happen to slip out, make sure to be the adult and go to them with an apology. Don’t always expect an apology back for whatever they may have said to you. But by apologizing, you’re setting an example to be followed. That’s not to say that, as a parent, there are times you will be angry with your children – and rightly so. However, the key is that this anger is handled properly.
• Being direct with your children is helpful as well. They may not be able to read into whatever you’re trying to tell them the way you may be able to do with them. Even just making time for small chit-chat can be a good start. It will help to show them that not every conversation has to be about something huge happening or something they did wrong. This is another way that will help them to feel open to talk to you about anything.
• Actively listening is the key to having good communication with your child. Just because you may hear what they have to say, does not mean you are truly listening. As a parent, it is easy to become tired and overwhelmed by everything else going on in your life. However, this is when you need to put in that extra effort to be an active listener. Listen to your child in a very polite manner. Do not interrupt them while they tell their story to you. Do not keep them from opening up to you by cutting them off and saying something along the lines of, “It doesn’t matter what they did, but I’d better not find out that you’re a part of it.” And if you already know of a situation that has occurred you can of course confront your child, but let them speak and say their piece.


 

• Make sure that when your child is open with you, that you praise them for doing so. You want to keep that channel open and remain an outlet for them. Show your child that you accept them for whatever they may or may not have done. And try to assist as best as you can in finding a solution to whatever they may come to you about. Through all of this, you are reinforcing the idea that this communication is good and helpful, not harmful or hurtful.
• Also, make sure to be yourself and have patience. If you only implement these practices when you need information from your child, then they will always know something is going on and that will hinder any good and honest communication from occurring. And these practices will not always work on the first try or work every time, but patience will help you in getting through each moment and conversation as it comes.

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